[ALDUB Fixed Marriage’s Featured image from Eat Bulaga Telecast.] The ALDUB Fixed Marriage episode opens with Donya Tidora. She was talking to Donya Tinidora on the phone. “Yes, Tinidora. Malamig ba diyan? Nirarayuma ka? Umuwi ka na kasi dito. Okay ba kayo ni Bill diyan? I don’t believe you.” (Is it chilly there? Are you having arthritis? Just come home. Are you okay with Bill?) Seems like the alleged reason behind Donya Tinidora’s long absence was addressed.
Donya Tidora ended a call with a joke. “Si Ate, uwian mo ng yelo. Mainit na naman ang ulo.” (Bring home some snow for elder sister. She’s hot-headed again.) This was a contrast to the good mood that Lola Nidora brought to the ALDUB Fixed Marriage episode. Lola Nidora exerted her good mood further. “Kahit naman marami akong stress, I choose to be happy.” (Even if I have so much stress, I choose to be happy.) Too bad. It didn’t take long to burst her bubble. The mere mention of YayaDUB broke her down.
Lola Nidora is usually upset whenever Yaya DUB is distracted in her duties. But it’s a major depressive episode that she witnessed. All she could feel for YayaDUB is heart-breaking pity. “Naaawa ako kay Yaya. Kala niya joke lang yung sinabi ni Cindy. Tumawag si Lola Babah. Totoo pala.” (I feel bad for nanny. She thought what Cindy said was just a bad joke. Lola Babah called. It’s true.) Lola Nidora could not even get YayaDUB out of the mansion for the ALDUB Fixed Marriage episode.
Apart from her refusal to go out, there is nothing else for Lola Nidora to worry about. “Kanina nakausap namin yung bata. Okay naman. Sana hindi ko na lang pinayagan.” (We talked to the kid awhile ago. She’s okay. I shouldn’t have allowed her to go.) Lola Nidora recounted YayaDUB’s account of the ALDUB 18th Weeksary brouhaha. “Si Yaya, parang napilitan na lang daw siyang lakasan ang loob niya kasi wala tayo dun.” (Nanny seems like she’s just forced to be strong because we were not there.)
Boss Joey de Leon spoke knowing YayaDUB watches the ALDUB Fixed Marriage episode replay. It was an indirect advise to Alden. “Hangga’t hindi sumisigaw ang paring kayo ay ikinakasal na.” (As long as the priest is not pronouncing you as man and wife.) Lola Nidora recalled her efforts to take away YayaDUB. “Kung alam ko lang na masasaktan si Yaya, nagpakalayo-layo na lang kami.” (Had I known that nanny would be this hurt, we should have gone as far away as possible.)
Donya Tidora’s words may be cliche’d. But they fitted the kind of words that Lola Nidora needed. “Experience is the best teacher. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” For her, YayaDUB would never learn. The sisters were at this sullen mood when Alden appeared at the other half of the split screen. Donya Tidora acknowledged his presence to Lola Nidora at the ALDUB Fixed Marriage episode. “Ayan na, ate, si Alden.” (Elder sister, Alden is here.) The KalyeSerye commentary panel acknowledged Alden too. “Nalulungkot din si Alden. Hindi rin siya payag.” (Alden is sad too. He doesn’t agree to this marriage too.)
Lola Nidora talked to Alden. “Alden, kumusta ka na, hijo?” (Alden, how are you, son?) Alden replied with a sad face on his clipboard. Lola Nidora replied with a crying smiley. Alden drew a smiley face with hair standing and tears falling. It became a little contest of which drawing is sadder. On which smiley produced more tears. Lola Nidora then shifted to talking to Alden. “Kung alam ko lang na sa ganito mapupunta sana nung unang araw pa lang, tinigilan na natin. Kung isusuko na, isuko.” (Had I known that it would end up to this, we should have stopped this on the first day itself. If you have to give it up, give it up.)
Alden listened as he clutched to a framed photo of YayaDUB close to him. Lola Nidora did not blame Alden for the trouble though. She must have been so affected with Donya Babah’s maneuverings. Lola Nidora assured Alden that it’s not his fault. “Pero alam ko wala kang kasalanan. Pagsubok lang ito.” (But I know that you are not at fault. It’s just a test.) But Lola Nidora’s priority is still YayaDUB as shown at the ALDUB Fixed Marriage episode. “Labis siyang nasaktan. Labis na nasasaktan ang apo namin. Pinabayaan ko muna si Yaya sa mansion. Sana ikaw din.” (She was so hurt. Our grand-child was badly hurt. I just left her at the mansion. I hope you would as well.)
Alden’s phone then rang. It was Donya Babah. He may be upset at the ALDUB Fixed Marriage episode. But he was firm in giving Donya Babah a piece of his mind. “Hello. Lola? Pero hindi nyo naman po sinabi sa amin. Matanda na po ako. 23 años na po ako, Lola. Sumusunod naman po ako sa inyo eh. Wala na.” (Hello. Granny? But you didn’t tell us. I am old enough. I am 23 years old, granny. I follow you when I can. No.) Alden explained that it’s not Cindy. “Okay naman po si Cindy, Lola. Pero hindi po siya para sa akin eh.” (Cindy is okay. But she’s not the one for me.) Donya Babah ended the call saying that she has something to send Lola Nidora.
Lola Nidora heard Alden. “Ano sabi ng Lola mo? Medyo kinakabahan ako. Ano ipapadala ni Lola Babah?” (What did your granny say? I’m a little nervous. What will Granny Babah send?) Alden only relayed what Donya Babah said on the phone at the ALDUB Fixed Marriage episode. “Papadalhan imbitasyon.” (She’d be sending you an invitation.) Donya Tidora’s paranoia kicked in. “Baka naman Notice of Eviction. Dumating na yung sheriff.” (It might be the Notice of Eviction. The sheriff has arrived.)
Lola Nidora want none of Donya Tidora’s paranoia. But she held on to Donya Babah’s promise. “Binigyan ako ng palugit ni Babah. Hindi niya tayo papaalisin.” (Babah gave me an extension. She will not drive us out.) Donya Tidora isn’t so as trusting though. “Mawawalan ng tayo ng bahay.” (We will lose our home.) Lola Nidora pressed Alden for further info at the ALDUB Fixed Marriage episode. But even Alden could not get Donya Babah to say what the invitation is for. “Lola, ayaw pong sabihin eh.” (Granny, she wouldn’t say.)
Lola Nidora used the Sugod Bahay errand as an excuse to run away from whatever Donya Babah is trying to send. Boss Joey tried to stop her. “Ba’t nyo iniiwasan? Pano nyo malalaman kung ano ang ipinadala niya?” (Why are you avoiding it? How will you know what she sent over?) Both Lola Nidora and Donya Tidora are too confused and nervous. Looks like Lola Nidora got a dose of her own medicine. The mind games has escalated at the ALDUB Fixed Marriage episode.
After the Sugod Bahay errand, the sisters had an unexpected guest at the ALDUB Fixed Marriage episode. It was the Russian model Cindy. Lola Nidora perceived this as Donya Babah’s emissary. Donya Tidora saw that she brought in a cake. “May cake? Baka itapal sa mukha natin.” (She brought a cake. She might slap it to our faces.) It reminded them of the pie punishment at Eat Bulaga’s Bulagaan segment. Lola Nidora got Donya Tidora’s hint. “Kaya nga ikaw ang hinaharap ko eh.” (That’s why I made you face her.)
Lola Nidora didn’t have the comfort of a guarded vicinity as that of Broadway Centrum. Cindy must have realized how unwelcome is she there. So Lola Nidora is extra cautious. “Bakit nandito yan? What are you doing here?” Cindy answered her calmly. “I come here to meet you personally.” Lola Nidora then retorted to Donya Tidora how it can be just as disadvantageous to Cindy at the ALDUB Fixed Marriage episode. “DI ba nya alam na puede siya makuyog dito?” (Doesn’t she know that she can get mobbed here?)
Lola Nidora was halfway between being polite and not offending Cindy. Whether Cindy is a legit representative of Donya Babah or not is no longer an issue. She’s not willing to get on Donya Babah’s side. Cindy is a “sumbungera” (tattletale). She might twist the story in a way that would make them look mean and Cindy the victim. Lola Nidora then looked for a spoon. This despite warnings from the KalyeSerye commentator panel at the ALDUB Fixed Marriage episode. “Lola, hindi mo alam kung safe yan.” (Granny, you don’t know if that’s safe.)
Cindy’s game plan was clear. Copy everything that YayaDUB did including the nice things she did to her immediate family. The ALDUB Fixed Marriage has presented a single white female situation through Cindy. [And sometimes, Cindy comes across as a plot device to present the competition’s attempt at copying almost everything in the hit KalyeSerye to succeed.] The Tupperware party that Cindy started could have worked if only she stuck to speaking in English.
Cindy talked to Lola Nidora in Russian. That is how oblivious Cindy is as to what made YayaDUB endeared to the grannies. Lola Nidora tried to take on a sarcastic route. She replied to Cindy in Bicolano. [Wally Bayola is Bicolano. So he infused his dialect into the improv routine.] Worried that Cindy might be cussing at them in Russian, they called in an interpreter. The interpreter at the ALDUB Fixed Marriage episode was Vladi Mir. He reminded the sisters of the Cuando Cuando Cuando that Donya Tinidora commanded. Vladi Mir did what he can to interpret Cindy’s message. But his purpose is not fulfilled as it should. “Naniniwala ka? Fiance daw siya ni Alden.” (You believe her? She said she’s Alden’s fiance.) Soon, Lola Nidora had to discard Vladi Mir.
Donya Tidora didn’t like it that Lola Nidora was talking to Cindy at the ALDUB Fixed Marriage episode. “Bakit ka nakikipagchikahan? Gusto mo bang malungkot si Yaya forever?” (Why are you talking to her? Do you want nanny to be sad forever?) Cindy may have understood Donya Tidora a little. “I just want to explain. I want to be friends with you.” This time, it was Donya Tidora’s turn to snap. “No! No no no no no no no no no! Yaya doesn’t need friends [like you]. She has a lot. Wag mo kaming subukan. Don’t try us.”
Donya Tidora had the courage that Lola Nidora had perhaps because, unlike Lola Nidora, she still has a home in Massachusetts. The mansion was all Lola Nidora could live in at the moment. She even dared Cindy on a modelling challenge. She applied the same modelling tactics she once taught her sisters and YayaDUB. And Cindy copied them too. Cindy had copying skills that could rival a chameleon.
Alden had heard enough and spoke. “Cindy, what are you doing there?” It was the most upset that Alden ever sounded. He’s not a yeller. But the weight in his words was evident. Cindy resorted to her limited Tagalog skills again at the ALDUB Fixed Marriage episode. “Halikan mo ko. Tanggapin mo ko.” (Kiss me. Accept me.) Alden said “Dili” (No). Cindy was unfazed. She went as far as DUBsmashing. But she ended up DUBsmashing Mariah Carey’s “We Belong Together” instead. A song more associated with Donya Tidora than YayaDUB. If Alden can’t love Cindy for who she is. Cindy is willing to be a YayaDUB clone just to woo Alden. Alden would have none of it.
An SUV horn was heard on the background. The riding in tandem then appeared to deliver a letter to Lola Nidora at the ALDUB Fixed Marriage episode. Lola Nidora can’t help but comment how the riding in tandem is utilized in practically every angle at the KalyeSerye. “Lahat na lang. Yung nagnakaw ng diary.” (At almost every angle. Way back when the diary was stolen.) Lola Nidora perceived it as a cost-cutting measure for the KalyeSerye. Donya Tidora stuck to her character and asked her sister to read the letter. “Basahin mo, ate.” (Read it, elder sister.)
Lola Nidora almost fainted even before she could read the letter. But she remembered Boss Joey’s advice regarding expectations vs. reality. And so she read aloud some excerpts. “Magandang araw sa yo. I would like to invite you, your sister Tidora and of course YayaDUB to my mansion for a sumptuous lunch. Attendance is a must.” Lola Nidora then asked Alden if he had anything to do with this. Alden denied having to do with anything with it. Besides, he was not mentioned in the invitation. Cindy denied it too. The ALDUB Fixed Marriage episode ended without checking the letter for a return address.
Donya Tidora took on delivering the epilogue in Donya Tinidora’s absence. It served as her opportunity to break the fourth wall. She even asked the audience if they had to accept Donya Babah’s invitation. It has yet to be seen. Tune in to Eat Bulaga. Monday to Saturday at noontime. Like Eat Bulaga’s official Facebook page to catch the ALDUB Fixed Marriage episode replay.
Beware of Greeks bearing gifts. On in the ALDUB Fixed Marriage episode, Russians like Cindy. Lola Nidora is still alive after the ALDUB Fixed Marriage episode. But for how long? More episode recaps would analyze this. All you have to do now is to follow us on our social media accounts to keep abreast of the latest. Like our official Facebook page, The Philippines Web. And follow us on Twitter @pinasamazing. We’d be expecting you.