ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode opened with Divina training the Cuando Cuando Cuando. They were in the middle of their stretching exercises the moment the camera has panned on them. “Ganyan. Itodo nyo liyad. Ganyan. Kailangan ito.” (There. Stretch it to the limit. There. This is needed.)
Ruby commented from her seat at the KalyeSerye commentary panel. “Di kaya kumalas ang mga Cuando?” (Won’t the Cuandos’ bones snap?) Allan K agreed. Divina continued at ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode. “Relax lang. Alam nyo naman yun. Madali lang, di ba? 1 2 3 go!” (Just relax. You already know that. It’s easy, isn’t it? 1 2 3 go!) They then switched to jumping jacks.
Divina held her microphone while doing the jumping jacks herself. “Lahat kayo sumusunod. Kelangan nyo ito para sa sportsfest. Siempre di puedeng mawala yung facial.” (All of you follow me. You need this for the sportsfest. Of course you should not skip the facial.) Apparently at ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode. Divina was referring to facial exercises.
Divina stopped to initiate the next routine. “Yung facial exercise. Kelangan natin ito. Sundan nyo ako ha? Nganga muna. Nganga. Yung pinakamalaking nganga.” (The facial exercise. We need this. Follow me, okay? Open your mouth. Open it. Open it the widest way you could.) The Cuando Cuando Cuando present tried to copy Divina’s expression at ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode.
Divina even added tips for the Cuando Cuando Cuando that had difficulty with the facials. “Stretch nyo lang. Kasi ima-massage nyo dapat. Nakakatulong ito.” (Just stretch [your facial muscles]. You should massage them. It helps.) She was in the middle of the facial exercises when Alden appeared on the other monitor. He was also in the middle of his regimen for ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode.
Allan K speculated. “Nagpa-practice din si Alden. Kalaban ang Cuando?” (Alden is also training. He’s competing with the Cuandos?) Ruby thought otherwise at ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode. “Ano yan? Nagpapasikat?” (What’s he doing? Showing off?) Divina ended up talking to Alden herself. “Alden, kasali ka ba sa sportsfest? Bakit pati ikaw? Nage-exercise ka?” (Alden, are you included in the sportsfest? How come you too? You’re exercising too?)
Alden somewhat bragged. “Kala mo ha?” (So you thought, huh?) Divina was clueless at ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode. “Bakit?” (Why?) Alden replied. “Para puede rin akong sumali diyan.” (So that I may join in too.) Divina liked the idea. “Ay! Ganun ba? Sige. Exercise lang. Stretching.” (Is that so? Go ahead. Just exercise.) Alden then noticed. “Parang pawis ka.” (You look sweaty.)
Divina acted surprised. “Ako? Medyo. Medyo.” (Me? A little. A little.) Alden told her to come closer. “Halika. Halika. Pawis ka na naman.” (Come here. Come here. You’re sweaty again.) While Alden tried to wipe off Divina’s forehead at ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode, he DUBsmashed some lines. Divina realized how Alden made a move. “Ikaw ha? Sumi-simple ka ha?” (You’re making sly moves.)
Alden denied trying to make moves. “Sumi-simple? Eh natanggal na nga yung Scotch tape oh.” (Making sly moves? The Scotch tape was already off.) Divina replied by DUBsmashing at ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode too. “Na-miss kita. Miss na miss kita. Miss mo rin. Miss na miss mo rin. Ang isang tulad ko. Miss mo rin ba ako?” (I missed you. I missed you so much. You missed. You missed a lot. Someone like me. Did you miss me too?)
Alden DUBsmashed at first. Then he ended up singing the lines from Silent Sanctuary’s “Sa Yo”. It was a little falsetto at ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode. But Alden came through. He felt proud. “Hindi DUBsmash yan ha?” (That’s not DUBsmash, huh?) Divina asked Alden some extra time. “Teka lang. Seryoso kaming nage-exercise dito.” (Wait. We’re having a serious exercise here.)
Alden then remembered. “Divina. Ano muna yung ipagtatapat mo sa ‘kin?” (What are you going to tell me again?) Alden ended up capturing Divina’s attention. “Ipagtatapat? Kasi Alden. Medyo nahihiya ako eh.” (What I’d tell you? You know, Alden. I’m a little embarrassed.) Alden downplayed Divina’s lack of self-confidence at ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode. “Nahihiya. Okay lang yan. Sabihin mo na.” (Embarrassed. It’s okay. Tell me.)
Divina admitted. “Ngayon ko lang ‘to gagawin, Alden.” (I’d be doing this only now, Alden.) The SUV car horn was then heard at ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode. [Actually, it’s Donya Tinidora copying the honking sound.] Lola Nidora didn’t like the way Divina started her statement. “Divina! Ano yang naririnig kong ipagtatapat mo kay Alden?” (What is it that I overheard that you’re about to admit to Alden?)
At ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode. Lola Nidora found it inappropriate for a girl to open her feelings to a boy ahead of the boy. “Oo. At ikaw talaga yung babae ang magtatapat?” (And you, the girl, would admit your feelings?) Alden didn’t think of it as malicious though. “Meron lang pong ipagtatapat eh.” (She’s just about to admit something.)
It worsened Lola Nidora’s ill thoughts. “Ikaw talaga! At babae ang magtatapat sa lalaki? Ganun na ba talaga ngayon ang panahon?” (You! And the girl would be admitting herself to a boy? Is that what’s happening to times like these?) Donya Tinidora agreed with Lola Nidora at ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode. “Bakit ganun? Yung babae pa ang magtatapat sa lalaki?” (Why? The woman had to be the one admitting to the boy?) Allan K almost chastised Donya Tinidora. “Inulit mo lang, Lola Tinidora.” (You just repeated what was said.)
Divina had to inform the grannies that it is not what they think it is. “Iba po itong ipagtatapat ko kay Alden.” (What I’m about to admit to Alden was something else.) Donya Tinidora changed her mind in a minute. “Iba naman pala ang ipagtatapat eh.” (So she’s about to admit something else.) Before she could calm down at ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode. Lola Nidora asked. “Ano ba yun?” (What is it?)
Divina was still hesitant. “Nahihiya po ako eh.” (I’m shy.) Donya Tinidora sounded pissed off. “Bakit ka nahihiya? Ayan ka na naman!” (Why are you shy? There you go again!) Lola Nidora had to tell Divina. “Sabihin mo na. Wag ka nang mahiya.” (Say it. Don’t be shy.) At ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode. Divina can’t boost her confidence. “Hindi. Nahihiya po ako, lola. First time ko po gagawin.” (No. I’m embarrassed, granny. I’d be doing it for the first time.)
Lola Nidora wasn’t patient enoug at ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode. “Di wag mo nang sabihin. Nahihiya ka pala eh.” (Then don’t say it. You’re embarrassed after all.) Donya Tinidora would rather hear Divina. “Wag ka nang nahihiya, Divina. Yung mga baboy nga, baboy sila. Pero di sila nahihiya.” (Don’t be embarrassed, Divina. Pigs are pigs. But they are not embarrassed.)
Ruby felt hurt as a plus-sized woman present at ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode. “Grabe ka naman magsalita, lola.” (You speak harshly, granny.) Allan K ended up agreeing with Donya Tinidora though. “Nahihiya sila. Nakatungo sila.” (They are embarrassed. They look down.) Alden had to assure Divina. “Kahit ano pa yang sabihin mo, tatanggapin ko naman eh.” (Whatever you’re about to say, I’d accept it.)
Lola Nidora relayed Alden’s message to Divina. “Kahit ano pa daw yan, tatanggapin niya.” (He said that whatever it is, he’d accept it.) At ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode. Divina wanted some assurance from Alden first. “Hindi mo ako ija-judge, Alden?” (You won’t judge me, Alden?) Alden replied. “Hindi. Kahit na ‘Alden, ang tagal mo naman dumating’.” (No. Even if [you’d say] “Alden, you took forever to arrive.”)
Divina can’t hit Alden in person. So she ended up kicking some dirt to show Alden that she’s even more embarrassed. Alden saw Divina laughing though. “Hindi na. Hindi na.” (I’d stop. I’d stop [from throwing you under the bus].) At ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode. Divina chose to reply to Lola Nidora instead. “Lola, nahihiya ako eh. Kasi, lola. Di naman po ako sanay na ganun.” (I’m embarrassed, granny. I’m not used to it.)
Lola Nidora had a last resort just in case. “Ibulong mo na lang sa akin. Ako magsasabi.” (Whisper it to me. I’d just relay it.) Divina had to come clean. “Lola, may kumukuha po kasi sa ‘kin.” (Granny, someone was trying to take me in.) Alden asked. “Kumukuhang ano?” (Take you in for what?) Lola Nidora’s paranoia kicked in at ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode. “Dugo? Dugo? Wag kang magpapakuha ng dugo. Ang payat mo na nga eh.” (For blood transfusion? Don’t let them take you in for blood transfusion. You’re already so thin.)
Alden had to push Divina further. “Kumukuhang ano?” (Take you in for what?) Divina still kept her gaze to Lola Nidora at ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode. “May kumukuha po sa akin na ano … Na muse po.” (They would like to take me in as … As a muse.) Alden was taken aback. “Muse? Bakit muse?” (Why a muse?) Donya Tinidora sounded relieved. “Kung muse din naman. Kung muse ang pinag-uusapan, wag ka nang mahiya. Mana ka lang sa akin talaga.” (If it’s about being a muse. If we’re talking about being a muse, don’t be shy. You just got it from me.)
Allan K sounded surprised. “Muse ka noong araw, lola?” (You were a muse in your heyday, granny?) Donya Tinidora said yes. Allan K needed clarifications though. Donya Tinidora then blurted. “Liga ng basketball.” ([Muse!] For basketball leagues.) Lola Nidora had to ask Divina. “Sino ba yang kumukuha sa yo?” (Who’s trying to take you in?)
While Lola Nidora’s tone at ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode was calm. Alden’s tone sounded threatened. “Sinong kumukuha sa yo, Divina?” (Who’s trying to take you in, Divina?) Divina revealed. “Lola, eto pong mga Cuandos. Lola, wala po kasing magmu-muse sa kanila.” (Granny, it’s the Cuando Cuando Cuando. They have no one to be their muse.)
Lola Nidora had to ask again while pointing to the Cuando Cuando Cuando. “Eto? Eto?” (Them? Them?) Divina confirned it. Allan K understood. “Dapat ka ngang mahiya, Meng.” (You really should be ashamed.) At ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode. Donya Tinidora could only quip. “Alam mo. Tangggapin mo na. Pag kasabay mo sila, para kang dyosa.” (You know. Just take the slot. Whenever you’re with them, you look like a goddess.)
Divina thought that it’s less about her appearance. “Hindi po. Kasi po parang tulong ko na po sa kanila kasi wala po ang mga Cuandas nila eh.” (No. It’s like my help for them because they don’t have their Cuandas with them.) Lola Nidora felt Divina was being too gracious. “Eh gusto mo pala ng tulong eh. Ba’t di mo bigyan ng abuloy?” (So you wanted to help after all. Why not give them a funeral donation instead?)
Both Ruby and Allan K were startled upon knowing there are Cuandas. Alden had a simple proposition. “Divina, siempre hindi ako papayag na hindi ako ang escort mo. Sasali ako diyan.” (I won’t allow you unless I’m your escort. I will join.) Divina asked why. At the ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode. Alden replied. “Kasi ikaw ang muse ng buhay ko eh.” (Because you are the muse of my life.)
Donya Tinidora knew where this is going. Alden ended up DUBsmashing “Ikaw ang Miss Universe ng buhay ko”. Lola Nidora could only sigh and comment. “Yung mga banat mo ano?” (You and your pick-up lines, huh?) Alden had to apologize to Lola Nidora. At ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode. Divina had to DUBsmash to cool some hot heads. In case Lola Nidora is not in the mood for pick-up lines.
Divina asked for Lola Nidora’s permission at ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode. “Ayun po, lola. Okay po ba?” (There it is, granny. Is it okay?) Alden didn’t have a problem with it. “Kayang kaya mo naman yun. Bagay sa yo. Basta ako yung escort.” (You can do it. It suits you. As long as I’d be your escort.)
Lola Nidora didn’t have a problem with it either. “Puede naman. Kaya mo yan, Divina. Saka pag muse ka, pakaway kaway ka. Dapat naka-smile. Di dapat simangot.” (You may. You can do it, Divina. And if you’re a muse, you should be waving your hand. Don’t frown.) Alden then asked. “Lola, patingin po ng smile.” (Granny, let me see your smile.) Lola Nidora then smiled for the camera. Divina followed suit at ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode.
Divina then checked Lola Nidora’s expression. “Lola, bakit nakalabas yung dila?” (Granny, why is your tongue sticking out?) Lola Nidora thought it was fine. “Siempre. Mainit.” (Of course. It’s scorching hot.) Allan K thought Lola Nidora was impersonating a dog. Donya Tinidora agreed with Lola Nidora’s advice earlier at ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode. “Dapat tama yung kaway.” (You should wave the right way.)
Donya Tinidora made a brief demonstration of how a wave turns into a thumbs-up sign. She also noted how prepared the Cuando Cuando Cuando could be. “Dapat ang mga Cuandos, condition ang katawan nila.” (The Cuandos should have a conditioned body.) Divina thought they’re fine as of ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode. “Condition naman po ang katawan nila.” (Their bodies are conditioned.)
Donya Tinidora had to compare. “Parang si Alden. Condition ang katawan. Tingnan mo. Nage-exercise pa rin si Alden di ba?” (Just like Alden. He has a conditioned body. Look. Alden is still working out, right?) Divina realized what Donya Tinidora’s point is at ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode. “Puede po. Sige po. Gawin po natin yan.” (Possible. Okay. Let’s do it.)
Lola Nidora was all for it. “Tama, Tinidora. Kailangan magaling sila kasi ang muse nila, apo natin.” (Correct, Tinidora. Their muse is our grand-niece.) At ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode. Donya Tinidora thought of a way to help too. “Ako, eto. Naisip ko lang ngayon ha? Dapat meron silang ginagawa. May palatuntunan yung mga proper breathing. Tinuro natin kahapon. Ngayon naman ang ituturo natin sa kanila. Kailangan condition ang katawan nila. Meron silang endurance.”
(Here. I just thought of it now, huh? They should be doing something. There’s a program for proper breathing. We taught them that yesterday. Now we’d teach them. Their bodies should be well-toned. They need endurance.) [Prior to ALDUB Ang Pagtataka episode, the Cuando Cuando Cuando had a breathing endurance contest.]
Donya Tinidora continued. “Kelangan maliksi sila.” (They need to be alert.) Lola Nidora seconded the motion. “Dapat merong agility.” (They should have agility.) Donya Tinidora wasn’t very familiar with the word “agility”. “Basta agility, ha? Kelangan nyo yan.” (Just agility, huh? You need that.) Lola At ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode. Nidora had to ask Donya Tinidora. “Ano iniisip mong gagawin?” (What do you have in mind for them to do?)
Donya Tinidora was either sarcastic or funny later at ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode. “Ewan ko lang. Hindi ako nakahanda. Pero gagawin ko. Susubukan kumbinsihin sila para tumakbo. Mabilis ang pagtakbo nang sa ganun, condition ang mga Cuando. Mga diskarte ang kelangan nila para di sila lalampa-lampa. At ang naisip ko ngayon. Meron akong racing game na hindi ko naman hinanda. Naisip ko lang ito. Nagtataka ako. Bakit meron dito?”
(I don’t know. I’m not prepared. But I will do it. I would try to convince them to run. They need to run fast so that the Cuando Cuando Cuando would be well-toned. Techniques that they need so that they’re not limping. And I thought now. I have a racing game that I failed to prepare. I just thought about it. I wondered. Why are these things here?)
Donya Tinidora walked on the set she allegedly did not prepare. Divina speculated on who prepared the racing game set. “Hinanda na po nila, lola. Para sa atin.” (They have prepared it, granny. For us.) Lola Nidora was not buying Donya Tinidora’s claim. “Mismo ha?” (Really, huh?) Donya Tinidora started calling the Cuando Cuando Cuando for racing game at ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode.
Alden somewhat agreed with Lola Nidora in chiding Donya Tinidora. “Ganda ng set-up. Naisip nyo lang yan ha?” (Nice set-up. You just thought about it, huh?) Donya Tinidora maintained her statement at ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode. “Naisip ko lang yan. Para kaming nasa resort.” (I just thought about it. It’s like we’re in the resort.)
Donya Tinidora walked by the set. She scolded some of the Cuando Cuando Cuando for following her. “Wag nyong takpan yung camera! Hoy! Dito muna kayo!” (Don’t cover [my image at] the camera! Hey! Stay here!) Lola Nidora had to tell them too. “Dun kayo sa tabi.” (Stay on the sidelines.) Donya Tinidora had them set into 2 groups and started with the instructions for ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode.
“Ang gagawin. Yung unang member tatakbo sa gulong. Pambihira ang gumagawa nito. First time in the Philippines ito. Ngayon lang makikita ito. Lulusot dito. Tapos pupunta rito. Makikita gaano kabilis. Tutal, mga bangkay kayo. Mabilis kayo gumapang. Dere-derecho rito. Tapos itutusok yung kandila dito sa cake. Pag natusok nyo na sa cake. Tapos babalik dito. A-appear dito sa kasunod. Naintindihan nyo?”
(Here’s what you do. The first member would run over the wheels. [Donya Tinidora was sarcastic again at ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode.] Hardly anyone does this. This is seen for the first time in the Philippines. You only get to see this now. You then insert yourselves here [box of garters]. It will be seen how fast are you. Besides, you’re zombies. You crawl fast. You go straight ahead here [to the table of cakes]. Insert the candles on the cake. After inserting. Come back here. High five the next person [for his turn]. You understand?)
Lola Nidora even had to ask some Cuando Cuando Cuando herself. “Naintindihan mo?” (You understand?) Donya Tinidora could not hear them answer at ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode. “Uulitin ko pa ba?” (Do I have to repeat myself?) Ruby found Donya Tinidora’s zombie quip as gratuitous. She was bawling in laughter. “Grabe siya maka-bangkay.” (Her corpse comment was harsh.)
Alden liked having another set of cakes. “Tamang-tama yan, lola. Birthday ni Bossing.” (That’s great. For Bossing Vic’s birthday.) The countdown for Vic Sotto’s birthday collected several cakes. So seeing 2 more less than a week before the birthday bash was a positive thing for ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode. With the Cuando Cuando Cuando implying that they understood everything. Donya Tinidora set off with the racing game.
Donya Tinidora gave the signal. “Ready. Get set. Takbo!” One Cuando tripped on the wheels. Donya Tinidora immediately spotted him. Those who made it to the cake table almost lighted the candles if not for Donya Tinidora. “Wag mo nang sindihan.” (Don’t light them anymore.) Ruby confirmed Donya Tinidora’s statement at ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode. “Lola, magaling nga sa gapangan.” (Granny, they are indeed good at crawling.)
The first who managed to finish won the racing game at ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode. The Cuando Cuando Cuando had some trouble with facing the camera after the game. They almost ended up blocking the grannies on the camera. Lola Nidora ended up standing up herself to put them in their place. “Dun ka nga. Magkakulay pa tayo ng wig. Parang ako ang nasabunutan.” (Get there. We even have the same hair color. It’s as I went to a hair-pulling catfight.)
Donya Tinidora seemed pleased with how the Cuando Cuando Cuando turned out. “Ayan. Importante yung nagagawa nyo. Pampalakas ng katawan. Okay lang madapa. Wag lang masubsob. Okay? Next time mabilis kayo ha?” (There. What you did is important. It strengthens the body. It’s okay to trip. Just don’t fall on your face. Okay? Next time be faster, huh?)
Lola Nidora agreed. “Dapat. Dapat. Nakakahiya. Muse pa naman nyo yung apo namin.” (You should be. You should be. It’s embarrassing. Our grand-niece is your muse.) At ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode. Alden can’t help but ask. “Lola, ako? Puede po bang sumali?” (Granny, how about me? May I join?)
Donya Tinidora heard Alden. “Puede kang sumali.” (You may join.) She only had to dare him to do the long breath greeting – Happy birthday, Bossing! He simply had to break the record of one of the Cuando Cuando Cuando. Donya Tinidora just had to give Alden the signal at ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode. “Habaan mo, Alden. Habaan mo yung hininga mo.” (Make it long, Alden. Like make your breath really long.)
Alden then started. “Happy birthday, Bossing.” It lasted 35 seconds so far. Divina liked it too. She counted the seconds herself. “Alam mo? Puede ka na talagang mag-escort.” (You know? You may now be my escort for real.) Divina suddenly realized the exaggerated way she pronounced the word “escort”. Even Lola Nidora heard it at ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode.
Allan K then dared Divina to break Alden’s record. Divina accepted the challenge and let Alden do the counting at ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode. And he rigged it by counting slowly. “17 seconds.” Donya Tinidora was not seen counting. But she rebutted Alden’s count. “37. 35 ka lang, Alden.” (It’s 37 seconds. You only got 35 seconds, Alden.) Allan K asked. “Bakit hindi nag-match?” (How come they didn’t match?)
Donya Tinidora concluded. “Talo ka, Alden. Ibig sabihin, hindi pa kayo.” (You lost, Alden. It only means you’re not yet an item.) At ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode. Lola Nidora got slightly worried. “Masyado yata tayong nagiging physical sa sportsfest na yan. Tinidora. Divina. Alden. Meron pa tayong isang dapat paghandaan.” (You seem to be getting too physical with that sportsfest. We still have one more thing to be ready about.)
Before Lola Nidora could reveal what it is, the truck horn honked off. Ending ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode on a cliffhanger. Tune in to Eat Bulaga. Monday to Saturday at noontime. Like Eat Bulaga’s official Facebook page to catch the ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode replay.
The planned sportsfest is an interesting diversion at ALDUB Ang Pagtatapat episode. This time, they’re giving the spotlight to the Cuando Cuando Cuando. But for how long? The subsequent episode recaps will analyze it. So might as well like our official Facebook page, The Philippines Web. And follow us on Twitter @pinasamazing. We’d be expecting you.